Americans building really really big mirror to stop global warming
By Arthur King
Wonderland, Saturday – The US administration announced plans today to put a really really big mirror in space to deflect the rays of the sun and stop global warming. Several senior members of the administration were seen wandering the aisles of Ikea stores late yesterday evening, filling their trollies with bathroom mirror tiles.

The plan is to take all the bathroom mirror tiles into outer space in a special vehicle, called a space shuttle, and to have specially trained people, called astronauts, assemble them into one really really big mirror which will sit outside the earth’s atmosphere and reflect the sun’s rays back into the sun. This will cause the earth’s atmosphere to cool down, which means global warming will stop.

The astronauts, or spacemen, will join the many mirrors into one mirror using Ikea instruction sheets, fiddly little Ikea tools, and weird Ikea screws. Plans for the really really big mirror are being put into place now, since there may be some problems following the Ikea instructions, and the astronauts may need to return some of the mirrors.

“Depending on what time you go to Ikea, it can take a while,” said a NASA official. “You have to line up, drop the mirror off, get a refund on your credit card, then you have to go place a different order for a new mirror. And wait.”

However, while preparations are already under way, the really really big mirror will only be built if it gets too hot to live on Planet Earth; and in his recent State of the Union address, President Bush unveiled his big plan to stop Planet Earth getting too hot to live on: grow more corn.

Whipping boy
Bush yesterday also announced a new, top secret weapon to fight the “War on Terror”TM: a super-giant whipped-cream gun. Bush thought of the gun while in his bathtub, and has requested $2 billion to build the weapon in his garage and run tests in his backyard.

In addition to winning freedom in Iraq, Bush claimed the super-giant whipped-cream gun could be fired at the really really big mirror in outer space if the mirror sends too many rays back to the sun, and the sun gets so hot it could maybe even blow up.

Some scientists said that if the gun was used for this purpose, they feared the potential of a vast meringue filled with bathroom mirror tiles falling to earth. However, NASA scientists said that this was not probable, since meringues are traditionally made from egg whites, not whipped cream.