Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Intelligence suggests bombing the shit out of countries makes people angry
Bush claims intelligence confusing
by Arthur King

Washington, Tuesday – A full-scale presidential hissy fit broke out last week, after intelligence sources leaked a controversial report which suggests, among other things, that bombing the crap out of other people’s countries “might actually piss them off.”

The report, the National Intelligence Estimate, provoked an immediate response from El Presidente GW Bush, who argued that intelligence is confusing.

“This intelligence is confusing for Americans,” said Bush. “It confuses them,” he continued. “This intelligence confuses the American people about the nature of the threat that they face. These people is terrorists. Are. They are terrorists. And they want our freedom.”

Bush blocked access to the full report “for security reasons,” but released carefully selected bits of its conclusion to “clarify the confusion.”

Foreign people notice when you bomb them
Central to claims in the report is a suggestion that foreigners actually notice when you bomb, strafe, shoot or torture them, their family, their friends, or their neighbours.

Though these crimes might be invisible to Americans, who lack uncensored news coverage of overseas events, foreign people apparently “do notice” when they and their relatives “are bombed and tortured to fuck.”

Other items that foreigners are suspected to notice are listed in the report under the heading “Not Really Such a Smart Idea When You Sit Down and Think About It,” and include “invading someone’s country to start with, stupid.”

Bush said he is working on a solution to this problem of foreigners noticing “stuff like” bombs, a solution which he termed “the nucular option.”